Я хотела кое-что написать, но вспомнился мой давний рассказ, начатый 1 ноября 04. Он отдаленно и сначала напоминает то, что я хотела поведать, вспомнив сегодня...вместе с тем. пока это...
Cry. (undone.) Напутствие -
это мысли и убеждения на тот самый момент времени. ни минутой ранее или позже.
The blast could have been heard from behind. He began running quickly. He was taught to always start running when hearing something dangerous around, and not turning his head towards the danger. “Run swiftly, run for your life”.
After reaching the door, he finally gave away his panic. Turned. Eh, there was nothing. With a light smirk young man entered the room. He lit the lamp, took a new, soft sweater and usual favorite blue jeans and closed the door of the bathroom behind himself. Switching on the hot and the cold water both, he thought it was a rather nice day he spent. He never went to work and was rather glad about that. Lee relaxed and had a lot of nice thoughts floating in his industrious and tired mind. Yet, this fiesta lasted not for long. The water stopped and knowing he wouldn’t change this situation now, growling, he got out of the bathroom with the rests of shampoo on shining black slick hear.
Young man entered the kitchen. The auto responder was not on. “ Shoot… pets should be made illegal.” Therefore, he had nothing better to do than just to switch it back on. He was waiting for an important call, and he might have missed it by now. “That’s ok”, flashed in his mind, “once lose, once find.” He was not in the mood of grieving, so he didn’t want to start the story all over again. “Not today, not when he is full of joy”. He took the chinese-box meal with him and heated it up. “YUK ! Nevermore! “ He already forgot how to eat it, it should have been cooled off, not heated up!
Lee ate the grouse stuff and prayed for his stomach not to give it back. He lit up a candle. Only one. With the smell of fresh forest. The smell that followed him through years, the one he smelled for the first time, when he had touched her hair. But he stopped crying a long time ago. There were no more tears in him for her, maybe… now he was watching the candle. It lasted for long, as he had bought it that day. Now the candle cried. It was crying instead of him, crying for her…
Renny came in. He watched Lee stone-sitting. Was that anything interesting to observe? For Renny – oh yeah, definitely. He just sat down, where he stood, and turned into a monument himself. He sat, and sat… and sat. “Yawn”, and he was finally bored of sitting. He lay. “oh man”, it was getting to the point when he got tired of it, and he got tired of something very randomly. Coming up to young man he put his head on his knees and looked in his eyes. They were sad. Sad and wonderful. Both pairs of these eyes. Yet, one belonged to a person, the others – to a dog. But that moment lasted for a year. And you would never distinguish these eyes. They reflected the same. One were of the navy deepness of the ocean, the others – of the bottomless night. And you could even see the star, emerging from it. But that could be noticed, if you took a very-very close look.
Lee awakened from a nostalgic stillness, and with a song on his lips, but a stone on his heart stroke a dog, as nothing had ever happened, as the happiest human in the whole world. “Was he human? Was he a human after all? Was he? After he let her go? Even Renny didn’t think so. And he was a dog. What more could be said about human. It was just a name, a vain name given by people to people, because they were no different from these animals. Well, they should be, but they almost never have been, never proved their name. And all this foolish life of theirs that they have been living. What was that life? All life was a play. All their life they have been playing some roles. One at the beginning, at their childhood. The other – taking part in their education. One more – doing something what they call “a job”. And when they come home from the “job”, they behave differently, as they have been changed. To better or to worse – is only for you to decide.”
Lee woke up. The radio was speaking loudly, the news have been reported. Did he care? Nay.
As he got into the shower he heard a call. Ruining everything on his way to the phone, tripping by the door and getting tangled in the dog’s games he finally reached it. “Yes!” Full of expectations, joy and some extravagance the guy picked the phone up. . . Have you ever seen despair on the face? No, I mean THE real despair and dissatisfaction. Dissatisfaction with life. Yup, he wasn’t much of an optimist, though honestly, really tried to be one. It was someone you don’t really want to know about. His boss. “Oops, he missed yesterday’s day, oops, he didn’t tell him he had fallen dead sick. Oh yeah, besides, he can’t get out of bed.”
The guy was honest; therefore, these thoughts just went through his head and stayed there. He never spoke up. He was just shaking the head in the sign that he would never do that again. He never revealed the truth. He HAD to have a vacation.
Renny licked his hand in the sign of getting some more food. His eyes were full of faithfulness and kindness. He was truly a wonderful dog… one of a kind. “Ad astra com aspera…” The lad took the dog out for a walk in an hour. “...Nice day outside, I am to go somewhere otherwise my head will just spin round…” Taking the dog back, he noticed some awkward behavior of the neighbor living near him for pretty a long time. The ol’ man was choking, he fell to the ground and started spitting out things. “Not a good sign… a-a, gotta do smth. “ He ran up to the man and brought him inside. Lee asked what was wrong and got an answer to search for the pills, existence of which he had no clue about. What happened next was not that important: thanking, inviting for a drink, and getting back to the “vital” things he was doing.
Bought a pay card and tried to reach Meolin once more. Nothing. As usual, though. She was working again late, so now probably sleeping very tight.
Tried not to think about exams she had to pass once more. He hoped she’d pass, though working so hard wouldn’t lead to anything worthy happening.
Well, he was out of work now, for his work was not so usual or constant. He tried to avoid thinking about it, and never talked with others about it, though no one really cared. Well, maybe he was exaggerating. People did care, but only to the point where he revealed the truth. And they were satisfied with that truth, cause they knew he wouldn’t lie. And he didn’t. He just was quiet.
Working was not that hard physically, on the contrary, he liked physical work, for he was a strong man of a strong will. But the job exhausted him mentally, as Lee was a man of telling the truth. At least, before he joined Kritiker. After that, he had to through his principles away and do what he was bound to do. Why? Mostly to find himself. And then to escape from his own shade. But he forgot one axiom: you can’t hide from yourself. Therefore….Hey ! he wasn’t that stupid. He was just a kid in a body of an adult. Though grown up, he still remained naïve, honest, objective, caring, forgiving. He told himself never to forgive the bad ones, but he had to forgive. Erring was human, forgiving – divine. He tried that. He surely tried to be one. And one day he’d succeed.
So…he needed a vacation. Where would he go? Where would he hide ? didn’t have a clue. On his own ? with his teammates? Oops.. forgot to tell you. Yes, he did have teammates...
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Тем кто ниасилил сие убожество, следуем сюда -
Хочу вам показать кусочек своей комнаты - ее я\мне собирали\собирают с разных кусочков земли и я вбираю как губка, то что будет угодно.
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+ Кошка, явно находящая удовольствие в каждом мгновении...
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+ ... не думайте.
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И еще я хотела вам сказать. Каждому, кто это читает, потому как знаю в точности, кто читает.
Я вас люблю. У меня еще маловато сил выразить все, что изнутри стучится. Однажды я обязательно научусь. И тогда вы точно все почувствуете.